- Phrases -
Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!
Never replicate a successful experiment -Fett's law.
It takes alkynes to make a world.
A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
Make it myself? But I'm a physical organic chemist!
First law of Laboratorics: Hot glass and cold glass look alike!
- Questions and Answers -
Q: Why are organic chemists the cleanest people you'll ever meet...
A: They wash their hands even before they go to the restroom!
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.
Q: What's a cation afraid of?
A: A dogion!
- Rules of the lab -
1. When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.
2. Experiments must be reproduceable, they should fail the same way each time.
3. First draw your curves, then plot your data.
4. Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined.
5. A record of data is essential, it shows you were working.
6. To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
7. To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance.
8. If you can't get the answer in the usual manner, start at the answer and derive the question.
9. If that doesn't work, start at both ends and try to find a common middle.
10. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
11. Do not believe in miracles---rely on them.
12. Team work is essential. It allows you to blame someone else.
13. All unmarked beakers contain fast-acting, extremely toxic poisons.
14. Any delicate and expensive piece of glassware will break before any use can be made of it. (Law of Spontaneous Fission)
- A brief guide to scientific literature -
It has been long known = I haven't bothered to check the references
It is known = I believe
It is believed = I think
It is generally believed = My collegues and I think
There has been some discussion = Nobody agrees with me
It can be shown = Take my word for it
It is proven = It agrees with something mathematical
Of great theoretical importance = I find it interesting
Of great practical importance = This justifies my employment
Of great historical importance = This ought to make me famous
Some samples were chosen for study = The others didn't make sense
Typical results are shown = The best results are shown
Correct within order of magnitude = Wrong
The values were obtained empirically= The values were obtained by accident
The results are inconclusive = The results seem to disprove my hypothesis
Additional work is required = Someone else can work out the details
It might be argued that = I have a good answer to this objection
The investigations proved rewarding = My grant has been renewed
Synthesised according to standard protocols = Purchased
This past fall semester, at Duke University, there were two sophomores who were taking Organic Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid A.
These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week, even though the Chem final was on Monday, they decided to go up to University of Virginia and party with some friends up there.
So they did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, what they did was to find Professor Aldric after the final and explain to him why they missed the final.
They told him that they went up to UV for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back to campus.
Aldric thought this over and then agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved.
So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Aldric had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about free radical formation and was worth 5 points. "Cool" they thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that problem and then turned the page.
They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page.
(95 points) Which tire?
A doctoral student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the doctoral student. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman."
Poof! He's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the post-doc. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional volleyball player on one side and a Mai Tai on the other."
Poof! She's gone.
"You're next," the Genie says to the professor.
The professor says, "I want those two back in the lab after lunch."
Four short organic chemistry plays that illustrate reaction mechanisms
Chemory is a memory game for everybody interested in chemistry, both for students and professionals. The aim of the puzzle is to open and match all of the corresponding pairs of cards.
There are 36 squares on the game board. Try to make a match by clicking on any two squares. When the structures are identical, you have made a match and the structures will stay on the board
A collection of science related graphics in GIF format.
Examples of funny sentences in mostly student written laboratory and research reports, focusing on the "negative powers" of the spellchecker.